For Better or For Worse
by bessie1
Summary: An insight into Sirius Black's summer before he ran away. Character exploration and a coversation with Bellatrix Black.


> Disclaimer: I don't own, I merely play with Ms Rowling's creations and then return them safely to their boxes.  
  
For better or for worse  
  
The life of real heroes very seldom matches up to the life that is portrayed in the books. The life of the real hero is not based upon bravery and facing the mighty but on retaining the courage to succeed when one is most afraid. The hero it would seem is not being undefeated, it's showing courage at times when all else is gone.  
  
Sirius Black never claimed he was brave. Confident certainly, proud without a fault, intelligent only to the close observer, but never brave. At least not where his family were concerned. He, after all knew better. There was no point, as he had long ago learned, in being brave when one spoke to his parents, since insolence, always purchased the higher price. Silence it would seem was golden at Grimauld Place.  
  
Golden it may have been, but no one said gold could not become cumbersome. The monotony of days spent in utter silence grew trying for a boy who for ten other months of the year found it hard to sit still for more than thirty second period. His friends had often said that Sirius had more energy that a nifler and while the subject in question had bemoaned such titles, his vitality and effervescent nature were certainly perhaps the most associated characteristic of the devout prankster that Hogwarts knew so well.  
  
Yet Sirius was never afraid to admit that he was not brave, he knew all too well the cost at which bravery was redeemed in the Black household. He had long since learnt to allow insults, taunts and pointed remarks wash over him, the frequenting visits of a large and highly opinionated family had instilled that lesson. Yet Sirius Black while asserting that he was not brave had overlooked a significant part of his character makeup, Brave he claims he may not have been, loyal however even he could not deny. It was ironic perhaps the part of him he attached no great importance to was the very same quality which had first attracted James Potter too him. Seven years olds have very few benchmarks for friendship; however a returning friend is considered more than acceptable. James had introduced himself too Sirius. Sirius had returned the next day to play. The dynamics of a young friendship are simple but strong, and so too was the simple but strong bond that those few minutes of conversation would create.  
  
Yes, in his attempt of self analysis, Sirius mostly definitely forget to focus on his loyal streak. Coupled with the weary displeasure of monotony and the dark secrets of his ancestry existence that haunted him every time he walked around the dark caverns that was Grimauld Place, Sirius had definitely not pondered on loyalty. After all a seventeen old when faced with boredom is not likely to exert vast amounts of energy focusing on the very issue which his family take great pleasure in dwelling upon.  
  
James Potter, would say later when Sirius explained his sudden departure, that it was his stupid unnecessary loyalty that always got him into such vast quantities of trouble. Potter, Sirius would acknowledge but not state, had the uncanny habit of being annoyingly accurate in his assumptions. After all the day in question had began like most other days of summer, long, dull and invariably full of sharp, maliciously pointed conversation.  
  
It was at the lunch table that the problem's really started. Bellatrix has come to spend a week with her aunt and uncle, and in her presence even the calmest of oceans could turn violent. While Regulas choose not to comment upon his parent's frequent verbal lashing to his older brother, Bellatrix almost always had something to say or contribute. Sirius had put this down to her personality, which if he were true to himself matched his own in parts. They had both found it difficult to stay silent for extended periods of time.  
  
However while Sirius was forced to into subservience Bellatrix hadn't not the same restrictions. In addition, Bellatrix has the misfortune of being in the same year as him at school and hence was more familiar then most about his extra-curricular activities, notably those which she herself had been a victim of on more than one occasion.  
  
'Bella seldom passed up the opportunity to taint Sirius's already tarnished reputation at home, and she was also intimately aware of the punishment that her remarks induced. Yet Sirius had long since learnt not to be worried when she spoke. Bellatrix was very much like himself in that remark – a lot of hot air.  
  
Even the family who cherished her could not fail to be aware of this. No, it was when she did not speak that Sirius worried. When those of eyes her hid their emotions and concealed thought that Sirius took interest. Since, like himself Bellatrix was quiet only when deadly. The difference was that when 'Bella was deadly, somebody paid.  
  
Sirius knew something was wrong when his cousin sat down at the table without so much as his glance in his direction. Years of conditioning within this household, had allowed to Sirius to be attuned to mood changes, and he instantly picked up the current of anger that radiated through his cousin. But beneath the over-powering rage he also sensed pain. It was this undercurrent which made him, for once in a long time initiate conversation at lunch.  
  
"Didn't think you would fall down stairs 'Bella" he said lightly reaching for a roll, "I always assumed that would be Andie's role"  
  
Bellatrix jerked her head, unaccustomed as she was to being spoken to by Sirius in the summer. Two identical pairs of charcoal black eyes meet, connected and discovered. 'Bella finally inclined her head in his direction.  
  
"Acquiring new roles is a necessity of life" she countered and shrugged mildly  
  
"Staying in roles is hard if you are not free to act though cousin" Sirius allowed himself a small smile and tore of a piece of bread.  
  
"Acting is never 'free' cousin; it is simply a matter of direction" Bellatrix's eyes focused sharper. She above all people in this household knew of Sirius's intelligence. But she too could forget how sharp he could be  
  
"The director though is subjective 'Bella, you act out simply his desires" Sirius almost smiled again  
  
"Then you best hope you get a good director cousin" Bellatrix did smile, the hollow curve of her lips do little to the cold of the room.
> 
> "You assume much if you assume I am directed" Sirius poured wine smoothly into a goblet to his left.  
  
"You assume much when you assume I act Sirius" Bellatrix motioned to a house elf  
  
"Sad are those who give up freedom willingly" Sirius shrugged  
  
"Dead are those who do not realize where true freedom lies" Bellatrix countered and Sirius again realized just how similar they truly were  
  
"Death is not option when one is directed though, is it cousin" Sirius sighed  
  
Bellatrix's eyes narrowed further, her cousin was not usually this talkative. The silence around the table indicated that those listening did not wish to participate, nor did they feel that at present either party had said anything wrong, or maybe, she amended silently they did not understand what was being said. She knew this simply because both were allowed to continue talking.  
  
"If death were that simple cousin we would have no need for life"  
  
"If life was valued more here 'Bella, you would have no need to act"  
  
"You too have the choice to act cousin" she knew it was blunt, but she also knew that Sirius was bound into replying.  
  
"You say this still 'Bella" Sirius brought the wine to his lips and drank "are we better directed then?"  
  
'Actors are not controlled Sirius, they fulfill obligations"  
  
"You know my answer as always" Sirius inclined his head away "direction is not for me"  
  
Bellatrix shut her eyes; she had waited six years to hear those words in front of her family. "You know not who you reject cousin"  
  
Sirius smiled sadly knowing full well his fate, as his parents rose from their chairs having finally realized the content of what they exchanged "you misunderstand me 'Bella always. It is because I know that I say no"  
  
"Fool!" the soft words disappeared and his mother's voice intervened "people do not get asked to agree!" she motioned for her husband who levitated Sirius of the floor "they bow and are accepted if worthy"  
  
Sirius clamped down on the flicker of panic that ignited deep with his soul.  
  
"Aunty" Bellatrix spoke up unexpectedly "we have guests tonight" she spoke smoothly and quietly. Mrs. Black realized the significance of her nieces words and smiled "yes" she said softly "yes we do" she nodded to her husband who walked towards the door.  
  
"Till tonight boy" Mrs. Black said as Sirius was taken from her sight.  
  
A/N: What do you think? I wanted to write a piece that explored Sirius's character and I didn't think either him or Bellatrix were stupid. Should I continue? I always love getting feedback [positive or negative]. I want to improve my writing and reviews are the only way I know how.


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